New NHS Uniforms

I thought you may like to know as the NHS is cutting staff, Health and Safety have decided we may need new  uniforms. 

Starting at the top.

1. A Helmet - This will protect us from frustrated patients hitting us over the head because they are waiting longer and longer for anything to be done. It will also protect our ears from the noise of women and babies crying, the ward door bell, the phone ringing and the patient buzzers buzzing. When eventually attending at the bed side it'll help protect you from banging your head on the over head TV, and light.

2. Shoulder Pads - We will need these to take the constant criticism we'll get for not managing to give the care we should be giving because there are not enough of us to do it.

3. Elbow, Knee and Shin Pads - These are needed to actually get to the patient in the bed. This is like trying to get to the bar on a busy Saturday night. It can take some time to negotiate the assault course of friends, relatives, flowers, balloons and enough luggage to last a year when they are only staying overnight!

4. Stick - This is needed so you can reach the buzzer to turn it off when you get to the bedside. (SEE 3) It will also help with chasing relatives out of the ward at the end of visiting, and for checking under beds and in cupboards in case any have hidden under there.

 5. Footwear - We are swapping black lace up shoes for roller skates. This will help us to get from one end of the ward to another in double quick time. The rest of the uniform will protect us from the inevitable accidents.

So....... What do you think of the new look?