Happy New Year!

2011 is nearly here, and I really don't have any idea what it will bring for me. My life both at work and home are like pieces of a jigsaw, all up in the air at the moment. I'll just have to wait till they all land to see what the picture is going to be.
Normally I don't like change, it scares me, but my life has been stagnant for too long, and it needs a good shake up, and I'm quite looking forward to the challenges.
So 2011 bring it on, I'm ready for you.

I wish all my friends in blog land a very happy, productive, creative and wonderful New Year, may all your dreams and wishes comes true.

Happy Christmas

Have a great time everyone, see you all in the New Year.  

Luna Eclipse

This is the first Luna eclipse on the Northern Winter Solstice since 1638! These photos were taken at 04:50 and about 05:30! I know I'm barking mad.

My attempt at a close up, my camera isn't very sophisticated and I don't have a steady hand.
Here is the eclipse as I saw it. They were taken from around 6 to 7:40.

I think my neighboughs have booked the van to take me away. I couldn't see the moon from any window in the house so I went outside. I stood there in - 12c in pjs, dressing gown and a coat on top. Actually even though several People come out to go to work I didn't see one look at the sky. They might think I'm strange, but I think it's weird that they ignored a once in a lifetime event.

Happy Yule

It's Yule, the time of the winter Solstice, when dark starts to give way to light, and the Holly King gives way to the Oak King.




 

The Christmas Fairy

SCOTTISH CHRISTMAS FAIRY

I am a little fairy

On tap o' the Christmas Tree

It's no' a job I fancy

Well how would you like tae be me?

A' tarted up wi' tinsel

It's enough to mak ye boak

An a couple o' jaggy branches

Rammed up the back o' your frock!

An' these wee lights a'roon me

I canna get my sleep

An' there's the yearly visit

Fae Santa - Big fat creep!

On Christmas Day I'm stuck up here

While you're a' wirin' in

An' naebody says, "Hey you up there

Could you go a slug o' gin?"

It's nae joke bein' a fairy

The job's beyond belief.

You've got to go roon' the wean's beds

An' lift their rotten teeth.

But o' a' the joabs a fairy gets

An' I've mentioned only some;

The very worst is sitting up a tree

Wi' pine needles up yir bum.

When a' the fairies meet again

By the light of' the silvery moon,

Ye can tell the Christmas fairies

They're the wans that canna sit doon.

The Christmas tree's a bonny sight

As the firelight softly flickers

But think o' me I'm stuck up here

Wi' needles in my knickers.

So soon as Christmas time's right by

An' I stop bein' sae full o' cheer,

I'll get awa back tae Fairyland

An' I'll see yous a' next year.

(author unknown)

Nativity Performances Health & Safety/PC Directive

Nativity Performances: Please follow guidelines for inclusion of any of the songs below 


The Rocking Song 
'Little Jesus, sweetly sleep, do not stir; We will lend a coat of fur, We will rock you, rock you, rock you, We will rock you, rock you, rock you": 
Fur is no longer appropriate wear for small infants, both due to risk of allergy to animal fur, and for ethical reasons. Therefore faux fur, a nice cellular blanket or perhaps micro-fleece material should be considered a suitable alternative. Please note, only persons who have been subject to a Criminal Records Bureau check and have enhanced clearance will be permitted to rock baby Jesus. Persons must carry their CRB disclosure with them at all times and be prepared to provide three forms of identification before rocking commences. 


Jingle Bells 
"Dashing through the snow In a one horse open sleigh O'er the fields we go Laughing all the way "
A risk assessment must be submitted before an open sleigh is considered safe for members of the public to travel on. The risk assessment must also consider whether it is appropriate to use only one horse for such a venture, particularly if passengers are of larger proportions. Please note, permission must be gained from landowners before entering their fields. To avoid offending those not participating in celebrations, we would request that laughter is moderate only and not loud enough to be considered a noise nuisance. 


While Shepherds Watched 
"While shepherds watched Their flocks by night All seated on the ground The angel of the Lord came down And glory shone around" 
The union of Shepherd's has complained that it breaches health and safety regulations to insist that shepherds watch their flocks without appropriate seating arrangements being provided, therefore benches, stools and orthopaedic chairs are now available. Shepherds have also requested that due to the inclement weather conditions at this time of year that they should watch their flocks via cctv cameras from centrally heated shepherd observation huts. Please note, the angel of the lord is reminded that before shining his / her glory all around she / he must ascertain that all shepherds have been issued with glasses capable of filtering out the harmful effects of UVA, UVB and Glory. 


Rudolph the red nosed reindeer 
"Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer had a very shiny nose. And if you ever saw him, you would even say it glows." 
You are advised that under the Equal Opportunities for All policy, it is inappropriate for persons to make comment with regard to the ruddiness of any part of Mr. R. Reindeer. Further to this, exclusion of Mr R Reindeer from the Reindeer Games will be considered discriminatory and disciplinary action will be taken against those found guilty of this offence. A full investigation will be implemented and sanctions - including suspension on full pay - will be considered whilst this investigation takes place. 


Little Donkey 
"Little donkey, little donkey on the dusty road Got to keep on plodding onwards with your precious load" 
The RSPCA have issued strict guidelines with regard to how heavy a load that a donkey of small stature is permitted to carry, also included in the guidelines is guidance regarding how often to feed the donkey and how many rest breaks are required over a four hour plodding period. Please note that due to the increased risk of pollution from the dusty road, Mary and Joseph are required to wear face masks to prevent inhalation of any airborne particles. The donkey has expressed his discomfort at being labelled 'little' and would prefer just to be simply referred to as Mr. Donkey. To comment upon his height or lack thereof may be considered an infringement of his equine rights. 


We Three Kings 
"We three kings of Orient are Bearing gifts we traverse afar Field and fountain, moor and mountain Following yonder star" 
Whilst the gift of gold is still considered acceptable - as it may be redeemed at a later date through such organisations as 'cash for gold' etc, gifts of frankincense and myrrh are not appropriate due to the potential risk of oils and fragrances causing allergic reactions. A suggested gift alternative would be to make a donation to a worthy cause in the recipients name or perhaps give a gift voucher. We would not advise that the traversing kings rely on navigation by stars in order to reach their destinations and suggest the use of RAC routefinder or satellite navigation, which will provide the quickest route and advice regarding fuel consumption. Please note as per the guidelines from the RSPCA for Mr Donkey, the camels carrying the three kings of Orient will require regular food and rest breaks. Facemasks for the three kings are also advisable due to the likelihood of dust from the camels hooves. 


Away in a Manger No Crib for a bed - Social services???????

(Author unknown)

Nearly Wordless Wednesday

European English!

OK, sorry, another silly e.mail. I suspect this is all I'll post till new year :-)

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.
Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.
Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".
During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl.
Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi TU understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.
Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

If zis mad you smil, pleas pas on to oza pepl.

Why is Santa a Man?

10 Reasons Why We Know Santa is a Man




1. Dubious dress sense.
2. Never replies to your letters.
3. Minimal chance of getting what you ask for.
4. Proudly displays his beer belly.
5. Will only commit to one day a year.
6. He is usually knocking about with an old bag.
7. He never stops to ask for directions.
8. He never wants to shave on holidays.
9. He always wears the same clothes.
10. Only willing to do a job where people leave food and booze out for him ... and he doesn't wash the plate up after himself!!
(author unknown)
No men take offence please :-)

On Strike!

My computer has gone to sleep and refuses to wake up. It just won't charge. It has no excuse it's only six months old, so it looks like it's heading to the "Doctors"...... It better not cost me.

Through The *Cupboard* Window

You definitely see life as a nurse, but the view from the Cupboard window the other night was, well, how can I put it?............different to say the least!


One o'clock in the morning and there are screams and shouts from the car park at the front of the hospital, my colleague looked to see what was going on, (well people have been murdered in hospital car parks after all), there was a young couple, she thought they were arguing at first, but no, maybe they were getting a little amorous? What are they doing on the bonnet of that car? Phew, they are leaving - up the steps they go.
She returned to work only to hear more strange noises from outside, so she went back to the window.  She couldn't believe what she was seeing but half way up the steps, under a street light in full view of everyone, skirt was up, trousers were down and ........ well use your imagination, they weren't quiet about it either!
Now I have been young, and I can vaguely remember what hormones feel like, but there is a limit, it's not like there aren't more hidden areas around the place, in fact there are plenty, but no, maybe they thought everyone needed some "entertainment". Maybe we should book her a bed!!!

Last week it was my turn. I heard a lot of noise outside, I hardly dared look out but I did. 
A guy, very drunk was shouting abuse at someone or something, I ignored him till I heard very loud banging on a door, he was trying to break in to the relatives  hostel opposite. I called security as it sounded like he might kill someone, they came - eventually, huffing and puffing, he'd managed to break the door down by this time. 
Watching our security men is quite amusing, they look like a collection of Weebles wobbling along. They need a team from A & E  following behind with resuscitation equipment, how they don't collapse with a cardiac arrest I really don't know,  (not that I've got any room to talk). 
In the end the police were called, and the man was carted off, presumably to the cells to sober up. 
I'm going to miss our entertainment when the cupboard closes, but maybe we'll have a new view wherever we end up.

Playing in The Snow

 Alfie, wondering why this white stuff wont go. 

Then he decided to play, I missed the best, but here's what I got.

The Hating Game - Talli Roland

Help Talli Roland's debut novel THE HATING GAME hit the Kindle bestseller list at Amazon.com and Amazon.co.uk by spreading the word today. Even a few sales in a short period of time on Amazon helps push the book up the rankings, making it more visible to other readers.

Amazon.co.uk: http://amzn.to/hNBkJk


Amazon.com: http://amzn.to/hX2ieD




No Kindle? Download a free app at Amazon for Mac, iPhone, PC, Android and more.


Coming soon in paperback. Keep up with the latest at www.talliroland.com.




About THE HATING GAME:
When man-eater Mattie Johns agrees to star on a dating game show to save her ailing recruitment business, she's confident she'll sail through to the end without letting down the perma-guard she's perfected from years of her love 'em and leave 'em dating strategy. After all, what can go wrong with dating a few losers and hanging out long enough to pick up a juicy £2000,000 prize? Plenty, Mattie discovers, when it's revealed that the contestants are four of her very unhappy exes. Can Mattie confront her past to get the prize money she so desperately needs, or will her exes finally wreak their long-awaited revenge? And what about the ambitious TV producer whose career depends on stopping her from making it to the end?


Reviews & Tags
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